confused!

[Vampibuff]

I am so confused, i feel so stupid and i dont know what i'm gonna do.....
Ive just found out i'm 6 weeks pregnant, i want to feel happy but i cant........ I made the hugest mistake of my life and slept with my EX... I left him 2 years ago after he attacked me in front of my daughter, hes had regular visits with her since and they have kept quite a good relationship...... over the last few months we started to build a friendship between us which i thought was a good idea for my daughter... but in the middle of january i stupidly ended up in bed with him.. ( i know its no excuse but i have severe endometriosis and was told i only ever had a 10% chance of conceiving, plus he has a low sperm count so i never thought for a second i would get pregnant AGAIN especially after one night)
anyway so now i'm pregnant and so confused i dont know what to do.........
Ive struggled alot over the last few years with everything that happened, plus being a single mum has definately taken its toll on me....... My mum is worried that another child will tip me over the edge mentally and my GP also agrees with her but i really dont think i could live with myself if i got rid of it.....
Ive spent the last week thinking things over, all the bad things keep popping into my head but still i cant bare the thought killing part of me.....
I'm absolutely terrified, i havent told my Ex yet and have no idea how i'm going to tell him or what i'm going to tell him, I cant have him controlling my life again but i'm not sure i can go through this alone with a 6 year old to look after aswell.

thanks for reading
X

[Laurap]

Hi Vampi

I really dont know what to say but didnt want to ignore your post.

It sounds like you are in a very difficult situation at the moment. I really dont know what would be best to advise you. Obviously not knowing the ins and outs of everything you have gone through it is going to be hard to advise what would be best for you. I personally think that having a 6 year old would be very helpful with a newborn and would be able to help you with certain things concerning the baby and although we sometimes feel we wouldnt have time for a new baby or be able to do night feeds etc you will adapt and get into a routine. As for your ex i dont know how he would take it but maybe you could tell him and sit down and talk things through with him and see what he suggests and see what his feelings are towards it.

Im really sorry i cant help but hopefully with different peoples views on here it will help you in some way.

x

[Clare]

Hi vampi Like Laura I don't know what the answers are but I can understand how you must be struggling.

Are you and your ex still on friends terms at the moment? Would there be any chance he would be there for the baby without you going back to a full comitment to him. I'm asuming here that he hasn't moved back in with you.

I think you need to tell him you're pregnant but be very clear if you don't want a full on relationship with him make it very clear what you want (or what you don't want) I know right at this second you don't know what you want sometimes it's easier to focus on the things that you definitley DON'T want.

From my experience my second baby was alot more easy to deal with (easy for me to say I had the support of my DH) but i really did find it easier 2nd time I didn't worry half as much if I was doing right or wrong. Maybe you will find this if you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy

Whatever you do make sure it's what YOU want. it's your body and you who will be coping. Don't make any rash descisions and we are all here if you need to sound off about anything

(((((((((huge hugs))))))))) xx

[Karen]

hi, like the others have said, without knowing everything, its hard to comment....but i agree, you need to sit him down and tell him about the baby. You need to work out what you need him to help with, ie new items etc and be clear if you dont want him to be with you as a partner.
wishing you all the best.

[Lyn]

hi

firstly i think you need to work out what you want then once you know then tell you ex but make it clear to him on how you feel and what you. like clare said look at what you dont want and work from it there.

i have to say 2nd time round is easy but there are times when it can be hard life is not always rosey. But my 1st helped a lot when i had my 2nd child which was good considering she was only 4

let us know how you get on xxx

[jayne]

o i dont know wat 2 say it your decision but agree with all the other post really up 2 u

[Shell]

OH MY GOD Kel I cant believe I have just read this never in a million years did I think I would ever read this.
Sxxx I dont know here because I know of what part of you as gone thru but you have to do what is best but at this moment you dont know what is best.

You have to think about what he's put you thru in the past and its not been nice but if you think u can sort this out then you have to go for it. I personally dont think I could get rid of a baby if I am honest but then on the other hand its not the bestest of situations to be in.

I think one thing is you need to sit down and speak to him but do you know how he will really react?

We are all here to support you the best way we can.

Luv
Shell xx

[Shell]

Hi Kel,

I was just wondering how you are with all this now? it must be so hard to get your head round, here if you need to talk you know that

Shell.xx

[Vampibuff]

Hi all, thanks for reading

i'm sorry its taken me so long to reply, ive had a lot of thinking to do, but ive decided to keep the baby, i'm telling him tonight so i'll let you know over the weekend how he took it...
i have no idea how i'm going to do it.... but the thought of not having it is worse than any problems that come later..... i'm just gonna take each day as it comes and do what I think is best.....

shell i'm sorry i didnt email you its just been so complicated. I'm still in shock, i honestly never thought this would happen, i know how naive it sounds but i Really never thought id get pregnant again, which is no excuse but what are the chances after one night. i'm dreading telling phil but i cant put it off any longer.

wish me luck
Kel

[Laurap]

Hi Kel

I really hope all went well on Friday. Please let us know as soon as you can how he took it. You took the time to think about it and you havnt jumped to anything. You've made the right decision for yourself, i hope he understands that x